Folds of my mind

As I continue to write the sequel to the Wooded King it struck me I have an entire kingdom dancing up there in my mind. Then I began thinking what else is contained in the folds of my mind. There are some entertaining tidbits of information in there surprisingly, so while I continue to pursue a new publisher I thought I would continue to write to keep my creative mind active and ease the waiting. As I play the waiting game once again I will be jumping between this blog and bigbookidea.com I will do my best to keep all of you faithful readers up to date. Maybe I will have to have a vote for the title of my sequel the kingdom in my mind is full of ideas but can't seem to pluck only one. Enjoy!

Is it wrong that I am a Christian and want to live intentionally different?

I have had this thought now for a few months stirring in my head. Where did it come from? I wondered to myself one day as I listened to a Christian drop a few swear words casually while I cringed inside. Why? Am I lame or weak? What is this cringe inside me?

I believe it comes from the reason why I wanted to be a disciple of Jesus in the first place a reason that should be in the heart of everyone who accepts Christ, an intentional difference. I think of Jesus in moments like this and try to picture him taking taxes from the people he taught, or prostituting himself or having filthy language fall from his tongue. The picture I come up with is not a picture of my Jesus and the Jesus all of us follow. He related with these people but he did not do what they did to relate to them. I think filthy language sounds funny in our terms today but really what they are saying is swearing plain and simple it really is in scripture surprisingly enough.

I myself wonder a lot on certain things and perhaps question to an extent but not to the point where it leads me to be inactivite or worse yet join in the things the bible says not to do. So again I ask myself the question why do I feel so wrong that I want to live so intentionally different?

It becomes plain to me as I write this, the answer to my question is… At times it feels that living intentionally different is looked down upon with statements of, “People would feel uncomfortable if we didn’t relate to them on their level.” I say "No, they feel uncomfortable when we lack the wanting inside ourselves to be intentionally different." We should make people wonder why we don’t drop the F-bomb when we mess up something, or go out to the bars at night to hang out with friends or swear on Facebook. Lead them to the questions they need to ask so it takes them to the heart of why we as Christian’s ARE intentionally different in the first place. Lead them there that is what we need to do to make others like us, we want them to become a disciple of Jesus to know what that means to realize that living intentionally different is a great purpose to have in a world that is so Chaotic. So I ask again why do I cringe inside when a Christian swears. I whisper in my mind, “Intentionally different, is that what we are mirroring?” Intentionally different is it possible?

Ephesians 4:29 English Standard Version (ESV) 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Passing, Passing Life, Life Passing

Passing, Passing Life, Life Passing circles in my mind as August 28th slips slowly away with summer passing and fall coming just a little closer.

Passing, Passing Life, Life Passing…It is January 2007 and I am acutely aware that death is an all to common factor of life that touches every soul in the world. Passing just so happens to touch my mother-in-law on this month, a poignant reminder that life is short as she passes at the age of 54,I loved her. Wish I had just a little more time, now I will savor every moment with the ones I love just a little more. And just as a life passes, passing life happens.

February 2007 I find myself with my husband finishing another youth conference feeling a tad drained. Realizing I may have allowed life to pass a little to quickly to recover properly after a death of a loved one. But what is the protocol for the length of time one is to heal, I continue to pass life numbly through this month.

March 2007, five years I can’t believe that is how long Tyler and I have been married as we fly over Ireland on our Anniversary day the clouds only opening for a moment to reveal the hillside spotted with stone walls and green grass. I wish our layover was here and not Amsterdam our plan is flying us to Africa for a two week mission’s trip. We immerse ourselves in all the gloriousness of Africa the music that is so Africa courses rhythmically through my body and my mind. It soothes me in a way that I didn’t know I needed. Working hard for two weeks, serving people, exploring and in awe that I finally set my feet in African soil brings joy to my heart. Life is passing me at this moment as the red dirt envelopes my shoes one last time before leaving for my flight home. Life passing can be in a good way too. A joyous celebration of passing into a cherished memory.

May 2007 Our church is hit with a passing of people into a new church due to differences. We watch numbly as our hearts are still not completely healed from January. A passing life is not a thing a heart moves on from easily it needs to be processed correctly, not enough time yet. I feel tired and I know why God is my strength during this time. A person passing on to other areas of life is a different type of passing than a dieing passing but it is a passing nonetheless which makes it hard but in a different way. This moment too passes and life continues to pass on to the next moment.

My eyes are closed as I breathe in the crisp mountain air, the fall leaves rustling around me not a inch of humidity to be found in the air, I love this. I am home in Montana I wish to say for a happy visit during my birthday but not so this wonderful fall day. My father-in-law is passing, slipping away. My Husband and I sit with him on a dark fall night watching, waiting it is not easy and you feel guilty for not wanting to be there for wanting sleep. We know the time is near, the passing slips into the room quietly when we all expect it to and he passes. Tears flow, trickle down the cheeks of all to be wiped later. Commotion surrounds as a stretcher is carried down, paramedics refer to me as I am not crying quite yet, I will wait until the others are calm. They leave, soft sobs fill the room slowly tapering off. I let tears spill until the night passes into day. Guns honor my father-in-law as we stand at the plot of land we stood only six months prior. The evening rays glinting in the tears reminding me life and passing go hand in hand.

We fly to our home in Michigan and pass through life in a different way. A little sad at first, my mind filled with questions of did I not pray hard enough? But just as quickly as I think that, I realize that not all of life has to have an answer life passes that’s a fact no matter the age or what state our world is in. It passes on and on and on and prayer works but life has to happen the timing of why life had to pass away at that exact moment or year or time is always going to be a mystery.

Passing, Passing Life, Life Passing circles in my mind as fall is coming closer six years later. I can now say my heart is healed but changed, for me personally this is how passing passes. The smell of someone’s perfume, a certain laugh, the way a person hugs locked away in my heart are tidbits of the ones I loved for me to cherish as they are triggered by random people along my life journey. I cherish these moments always, sometimes with a tear but mostly with a secret smile. I thank these random thoughts and my heart for healing the way it did. Passing, Passing Life, Life Passing it happens not only in death but everyday as life passes into the next stage and we move with it hopefully happily changed for the better our loving memories locked in our hearts to be smiled upon and shared at will.

Psalm 16 New International Version (NIV) 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, 10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful[b] one see decay. 11 You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.